Life is only getting worseMy life has gotten dull and sad lately. I get bored after work because I have nothing to do. I get jealous to see my friends all going out to hang out, and I'm not there to have fun. I've been told since my first best friend by their parents that I shouldn't hang out with them, or they shouldn't with me... Breaks my heart really, to be told that. I always wounder what I do wrong, what happened to cause this... but I never can get a real answer.
It's my senior year, and all I have to look forward to... really nothing. No friends to hang out with after graduation, no close family to laugh with and relate to, boyfriend is in another state, and most of my friends are moving away or under grades and I may never see them again... I randomly fell asleep the other day, no one could wake me till I woke of my own accord and I just didn't care. Depression is coming back I believe, for it comes with boredom and sadness but it may pass. I need to find something to do, but with no one to hang out with, what can I do?
And before anyone goes "just ask and hang out with them!" I grew up taught by my family to NEVER ask to hang out, to be invited. Because I was always asked "were you invited or did you invite yourself?" and I felt scared to see what would happen if I invited myself. I also hear how friends would hate for someone to come over and randomly ask to hang out, and I don't want to be like that. If you don't ask to hang out with me, I will believe you want nothing with me. And upon that, I will not ask to be at your house to hang out.
Another thing is, I'm not really looking forward to College. Scholarships, deadlines, resumes, and all this other shit and test and stuff... I wish it would all go away, I'm not up for this stuff and I don't find it helpfull. But all I'm doing is whining and ranting but I don't care, I think I'd rather anyone who wants to read this know how I bloody damn feel... because I'm already loosing all my friends and have lost some, what's a better way than just accepting it and letting life kick me in the ass for being a bad person in every adults god damn eyes.
Oh, Happy Birthday Melissa, Kelly, Ash Pash, Becca, Tiffany, and Corrisa, also my Cuz and Grandma.
Hopeless
Devious Comments
I know that you hear from religious ppl to "keep praying to God, and be patient, blah blah blah" but I just didn't have the patience. I wanted my answer now. I was tired of being this "horrible" person in the eyes of everyone. So what did I do? Believe it or not, I learned this from a gym teacher. He told me that if I was so serious about receiving an answer that I must sacrifice something for it.
Best thing to sacrifice, your own body by fasting. He told me to pick one day out of the week to go with no food, and to do it for at least a month. To always pray out your prayer on those days you fast, always believe, and never negotiate nor compromise anything. Once you set your goal, you keep to it or else it will be all for nothing. But I was so dedicated, that I did it for three months. I made a plan to fast till a specific date. Ironically, it was that very day that I found my answer.
You see throughout those three months, I began to look down upon things that were just causing me depression like hentai, I'd might as well tell you that I was hooked on porno. I eventually ended up destroying this material and accepted the fact that it was a waste of my own money. Also through my Junior College track, I just ended up meeting these new teachers and students, all of which were of a new type of people. Most of which were really encouraging.
On the end date, It was time for me to move to my university that I am in now. Everything that was negative was just shed through those three months, and my new college career was a like a new beginning. Everything just fell into place, it was unbelievable. Now that I have chosen my answer: to peruse my college career and start a new life; I am in the middle of doing something that is more harder than fasting those three months...
Seeing this answer through.
All this may sound kinda cheesy to you... but that is my story. I hope something good comes to you from it.
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Don't blame me...
I voted for The Magical Liopleurodon!
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Not all of life is fair, it just depends on how we let ourselves be controlled by it is. - Olivia Lalee
Base for my avvie by =Coy-Shinigami and =The-GK
I'm sure someone will come your way.
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Don't blame me...
I voted for The Magical Liopleurodon!
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"In a world of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." -George Orwell
"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced" - Frank Zappa
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Not all of life is fair, it just depends on how we let ourselves be controlled by it is. - Olivia Lalee
Base for my avvie by =Coy-Shinigami and =The-GK
moving forward things will get better.
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