Hey, you ever get the feeling something is changing around you so fast that you don't even have time to blink? Or that you're left out of some things that you wish you were in? I know those who are reading this will wish to cheer me up but I've just started that most hated moment that God/Mother Nature gives you and I'm just wanting some feelings out... I've been up and down... lots of crazy shit you know? I mean, *laughs some and it dies down quietly* I cut my foot, like twice, and scrapped my knees I mean god, I'm hurt proned, even in soccer, but I bounce back quickly so pain doesn't really effect me... I think I like it a lot and it's getting a bit weird... 'cause it's not somthing I should enjoy. And I hate lots of blood and gore and stuff, but reading it and watching it is so interesting, makes my blood pump, and I like my blood pumping, it's just as good as speeding hell fast in a car or on a four-wheeler. Bitching. Anyways, I got off track.

I've been feeling that I'm not getting anywhere good or well any time soon. I'm hating those 'college' talks. They get me so rialed because I hate how they pressure me and such. I'm trying to find a job for a class for my senior year and I'm not getting anywhere closer, I'm gonna have to try some places soon, hopefuly they'll work.

And you know my friend Ash Pash? yea... I wanna help her, I just want to hug her and tell her it's okay, that I'll be there any time she needs me, and I want to prove to her I will be. She's to good a girl to fall into a mind pit like I am, and I don't want her resorting to drastic meassures to feel good or anything, I want her to be happy where ever she goes... and all you who call me strong and tough and stuff like that, I wish! I mean yea I can be tough and laugh things off, and I won't take shit at times, and I make friends easily and a good person to hang around, but I'm not exactly what everyone wants in a friend in my view... I'm very very paranoid about people talking about me behind my back and stuff like that and I'm a good bit childish at times, or I'm a tad to quiet... I even have the worst of thoughts imagineable.

Would you believe me if I said I've had a lot of reacurring thoughts of when I used to cut my wrist, and don't go freaking, yea I used to do it, but I'm not doing it now... why would I when two of my closet guys to me said that if I did it again, they'd do just the same? I don't exactly believe them... but I don't want to attempt it.

I'm a bit tired too, so I'm zoneing out, but I'm okay none the less. So all yall if you read this, know not to worry, I just need some vent time, time to talk to some people one on one or somthing, let out my feelings that I don't know are then. Crying will do me good, I've grown to love crying cause it makes me feel refreashed, only bad thing about it is is my eyes end up hurting and I sometimes get a headache. So yea, I'm home for all yall who know what I'm talkin about, most of yall should. To everyone else, have a rocking summer if you are having one!